Psychiatric illness no excuse for bad behavior
Q: Originally licensed in Massachusetts, for
many years, I have hitched my wagon, both professionally and
personally, to Craig (not his real name), an entertainment/sports
lawyer in another state, and sometimes a brilliant one, whom I came
to love. After I finished law school myself, I became his
associate, handling most of the nuts and bolts of running the
practice while he dazzled clients and collaborated on various
projects.
At times, it has seemed that the same drive, fast thinking, and
persuasive talking that made Craig a standout in his field also
caused him to behave inappropriately. He has had a number of brief
encounters with the psychiatric system (including at emergency
rooms), and has been given a range of diagnostic labels, but never
fully accepted the idea of staying on medications. During some of
his "episodes," he has been unwise with money and relationships,
but has always been apologetic afterwards. I guess in some ways
I've liked feeling needed by him, and he has been willing to share
me with my parents, for whom I also serve as caretaker.
At present, however, he is off again on a "business venture,"
and it has become all too clear to me not only that I am on my own,
but that there is no money left. Having taken on the role of his
underling and organizer, I haven't generated my own independent
income in over a decade. Do I have to wait for him to come back to
himself and to me, or is there something more that I can do?
A: There is something you can do, but not for
Craig - for yourself. In your appreciation of his brilliance and
the gratification that you derive from your helping role, as well
as your sympathy for his apparent psychiatric illness (which sounds
like it might be barely-treated bipolar disorder, but that is only
speculation), you have been neglectful of yourself, and now find
yourself with little in the way of security, resources, or
opportunity.
Fortunately, you have not only your legal training but all the
practical knowledge developed in your years as an essential part of
Craig's practice. This seems like the moment to seize control of
your career, reshape it your own image, and begin the process of
building a reputation and a bank account. Now may be the time when
you are in a position to extricate yourself from this one-sided
relationship and to learn to find self-esteem in your own work and
accomplishments rather than only by giving to others. Such a change
probably won't be easy, and you would be well advised to get
ongoing support -- from a therapist, professional groups (such as a
bar association committee), perhaps LCL's Unemployment or Solo
Practitioner Groups, etc. Craig may have a slightly better chance
of taking responsibility for his disorder without you to pick him
up when he falls -- but whether or not that happens, you have
acquired ample evidence that to make his needs primary is to leave
yourself in the lurch. If you come to meet with LCL staff
individually, we would be happy to help you develop an initial
sense of direction as you enter into this process.
Questions quoted are either actual letters/e-mails or
paraphrased and disguised concerns expressed by individuals seeking
assistance from Lawyers Concerned for Lawyers.
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