Q: My solo practice has been moving
increasingly into the realm of handling divorces. There are aspects
of this work that I like, but it has also become more common on
these kinds of cases that a client is calling or emailing/texting
me with unnecessary frequency based on their anxiety, and sometimes
anger or depression, as they go through what can be a hellish
divorce process. While at times it can feel good for a client to
thank me for being understanding and supportive, sometimes the same
clients feel betrayed when I don't get them the desired result, or
when I simply bill them for my time. One client has phoned numerous
times to launch into a tirade that, although partly aimed at me,
really has nothing to do with my role in her life. I'd love to find
a way to become more adroit at handling these situations, because
my own anxiety level has been on a steep increase.
A: Some kinds of legal work are inherently
likely to involve clients whose psychological issues are stirred
up. Divorce is usually quite traumatic, even when clearly
warranted, and represents unknown and frightening terrain, so it is
no surprise that clients are prone to be more anxious and needy for
support. In addition, some of them are going to have behavior, mood
or personality disorders that may have pushed a marriage toward
divorce or contributed to a poor initial choice of mate.
All of these factors only underline the importance, as in all
cases, of setting and explaining attorney-client boundaries and
expectations. While a client who idealizes you as an understanding
person may lead you to feel inclined to make exceptions, these same
individuals can tend to "devalue" you later, or to feel angry or
let down if you pull back on something you were offering. A written
description of your fees and availability, and of what services you
do and do not provide, can go a long way. Be careful, too, about
the interpersonal precedents you set. If you respond immediately to
a call at 11 p.m. that could have waited until the next day, the
client will expect you to continue doing so. There is usually no
need to chastise such clients - setting limits does not
mean showing no warmth or sympathy - you can simply get back to
them at a reasonable time and communicate implicitly that you are
not a crisis service.
Coming from my own occupational world, I am often curious as to
why lawyers typically don't form alliances with mental health
professionals. It seems as if it would be almost a default
expectation in situations like divorce that a
therapist's/counselor's services would be useful (for either group
or individual support) and would allow the attorney to say, "This
sounds like something that would be fruitful to discuss with your
therapist - who, by the way, costs you significant less per hour
than I do." With written permission, some communication with the
therapist can also be helpful in the ongoing management of the
case. We at LCL can provide input on identifying potential clinical
associates; it seems most useful to have a few such alliances in
place prior to taking on clients likely to be in emotional
distress.
Realistic limit setting is a good thing - for parents and
children, for employees and bosses, and for lawyers and their
clients - but it not always easy to pull off. This is the kind of
situation that we often address in the monthly online solo
practitioner discussion group that I coordinate through LCL.
Individuals in crisis are not to blame for how they feel - it's
simply a fact, and often goes with the territory. As an attorney
providing assistance in their time of upheaval, you owe it to both
them and yourself to form a relationship that respects both
parties' needs, does not over-promise and in which you don't
attempt to be all things to all people.
Dr. Jeff Fortgang is a licensed psychologist and
licensed alcohol and drug counselor on staff at Lawyers Concerned
for Lawyers of Massachusetts, where he and his colleagues provide
confidential consultation to lawyers and law students, and offer
presentations on subjects related to the lives of lawyers. Q&A
questions are either actual letters/emails or paraphrased and
disguised concerns expressed by individuals seeking LCL's
assistance.