Q: I've been earning my own money since before college, and
learned well how to rely on myself, doing well in college and
moving into a bookkeeping/accounting job for a large corporation.
Last year, approaching my mid-40s, I decided to pursue something
that might give me a greater sense of accomplishment, and started
law school at night. It's going very well academically, and I'm
also generally keeping up with the work at my job, but I'm getting
less sleep and starting to see myself making accounting errors I
never made before, as well as sometimes forgetting side tasks. I
have always prided myself on the excellence of my work product, so
that is distressing. My teenage son (I have shared custody with my
ex-wife) has also let me know that he's been feeling less
prioritized, and I'm not even keeping up with my laundry or
returning calls or emails from friends. I seem to be easily
irritated these days. What prompted me to contact LCL is that I've
now also had a panic attack (so I learned at the ER -- thought it
might be a heart attack). Should I be looking into some kind of
counseling or medication?
A: Before considering various forms of treatment, let's
recognize, as I'm sure you do, the central problem -- from what you
describe, you are overwhelmed because you're over-extended. You are
justifiably proud of your accomplishments and self-reliance, and of
taking on the challenge of law school with a high level of success.
The problem is that you're just one person.
Many concerns are vying for space in your mind, and at the same
time you are not getting enough sleep. This combination of factors
is likely contributing to your increased error rate on the job, and
before long the effects may well start to affect your studies. We
know it's easier said than done, but getting back to a consistent
bed time might make a huge difference in how you feel and might
even reduce the chances of another panic attack. (If you're using
caffeine to counteract fatigue, that can also add to anxiety
symptoms.)
It won't come as news that your life is out of balance -- too
many demands versus too little replenishment, relaxation and
pleasure. And so we come back to my recurrent recommendations -
more exercise, meditation, artistic exposure (e.g., music, theatre,
photography, museums), and maintaining your social supports (not
only online). Your response will be, "Sure, but where do I find the
time?" Some thoughts on that:
If you are feeling more "centered" and getting enough sleep, the
hours that you devote to work will be more efficient.
As someone who has long relied so heavily on doing things for
himself, it's time for you to experiment with relying on others and
delegating. Even if money is tight, think of the benefits of having
someone else help with cleaning, laundry, errands, etc. One of the
people to whom you might be able to delegate is your son - allowing
him to assist to in this way (and make a few bucks in the process),
and also to join you in pleasurable and exercise-related activities
during any time that is freed-up, could be
relationship-enhancing.
Perhaps you can identify some tasks that are less important, and
on which you could allow yourself to perform at a "good-enough"
level rather than applying standards of excellence to everything
you do (again, as a way to shift some time and energy toward more
balance).
And yes, seeing a therapist/counselor would help, including as a
means of helping you follow through on the kinds of lifestyle
changes that will allow you not only to progress toward life as an
attorney but to enjoy the process.
Dr. Jeff Fortgang is a licensed psychologist and
licensed alcohol and drug counselor on staff at Lawyers Concerned
for Lawyers of Massachusetts, where he and his colleagues provide
confidential consultation to lawyers and law students, and offer
presentations on subjects related to the lives of lawyers. Q&A
questions are either actual letters/emails or paraphrased and
disguised concerns expressed by individuals seeking LCL's
assistance.