Q: Maybe the essence of my problem is
homesickness. When I first moved to Boston for law school, I was
very motivated and performed really well academically. I had wanted
to try living in a city, after spending my life in a rural area in
the southwest, continuing to live at home during my undergraduate
years. But over the course of the past semester, things have
changed. My ability to focus in class has deteriorated, and between
classes I often need to read the same pages repeatedly in order to
retain information. Sometimes I unexpectedly find myself in tears.
I have largely lost interest in going out with my roommates as I
used to, and even when I do, I don't enjoy myself. These changes
became more noticeable after spring break when I visited my family.
I guess that visit didn't go so well; among other things, I was
less able than in years past to ignore my mother's drinking and
negative comments. I feel kind of lost, and I'm not sure what to do
about it.
A: It sounds like what "homesickness" might mean
in your case is that you are belatedly feeling the impact of years
of family dysfunction, now that you are removed from that
environment. It may be that, growing up in an apparently alcoholic
family system, you developed coping mechanisms including numbing
yourself emotionally and focusing on excelling in school (where you
probably didn't talk about what life was like for you at home). The
coping styles that people adopt to best survive childhood and
adolescence, however, can be too limiting in adult life, and
delayed emotional reactions often emerge once a person is stably
removed from the family environment.
While it's true that these delayed reactions (if indeed that is
the case) may be somewhat disruptive to your functioning as a law
student, you can also think of this as an opportunity to identify
and work through important issues that have been necessarily
shelved until now. You are not going to lose the various coping
strategies that you have developed, but can now allow yourself to
develop a broader and more flexible repertoire of ways to deal with
feelings and relationships. At the moment, it sounds as if you may
be, quite understandably, experiencing some level of
depression.
If you come to LCL for a confidential/free clinical interview, we
can first of all make a better assessment of what is going on, and
then refer you to helpful resources, which might include a
professional therapist (and possible course of antidepressants to
help reduce symptoms like impaired concentration) as well as a peer
support group. You no longer need to keep yourself as cut off from
feelings and from more expressive relationships with others.
Questions quoted are either actual letters/e-mails or
paraphrased and disguised concerns expressed by individuals seeking
assistance from Lawyers Concerned for Lawyers. Questions for LCL
may be mailed to LCL, 31 Milk St., Suite 810, Boston, MA 02109 or called in to (617) 482- 9600. LCL's
licensed clinicians will respond in confidence. Visit LCL online at
www.lclma.org.