Q.
I graduated college cum laude, and
still had plenty of time for side activities like my a cappella
group and partying with friends. I guess I have a pretty good
memory and was able to make the most of those pre-exam and
pre-paper all-nighters.
Although law school was more
demanding, I had some inspiring professors and really got into the
subject matter. So I was not prepared for what I am facing now, a
few years into working for a mid-size law firm. Nowadays, I go
through months at a time when I can't seem to concentrate. I spend
hours staring at the computer monitor, with nothing happening in my
head, trying to salvage some cogent thoughts from the sludge in my
brain.
Too much of the time, I end up doing
online shopping or reading the day's news, or I find an excuse to
escape the office altogether. I walk around wondering when my lack
of productivity will be discovered, but I can't call attention to
myself or I could lose the job. Needless to say, my self-esteem is
at an all-time low, and I can't even enjoy anything I do on
weekends. What do I do?
A.
Turns out that there is a downside
in the lives of those clever, talented kids who get through school
without having to study much - you were "deprived" of the
experience of learning to "plug away" at tasks little by little,
including those that you initially found incomprehensible or
insurmountable. Intellectual sharpness and the ability to catch
onto many things quickly are certainly assets, but the acquired
skill of plugging away may be equally or even more valuable in the
long run. e.g., coming back to it in an hour.e.g., "This is new to
me, and it may not be easy, but all the evidence suggests that I
have the brain power to figure it out in time - I have learned and
mastered harder things."
We're sure this doesn't come as news
to you, but large or unfamiliar tasks only become manageable when
broken down into very small steps. If you are tackling an area that
is new to you, the early steps may involve research (including
asking others), and sub-steps like (1) get the title of one
relevant article or precedent, (2) read the first paragraph until
it makes sense, etc. Or, (1) Decide who's best to ask, Fred, Joyce
or Irene; (2) Leave voicemail for that person.
These steps must be broken down into
units so small (depending on how frozen your mind feels) that there
is no chance you can't do it. People are often surprised how they
"get rolling" after pushing themselves into the first few steps.
One step after another is the essence of plugging away, along with
persistence,
Examine, also, what you're saying to
yourself about the process in which you are engaged. (Not that you
literally put these things into words, but it helps to find words
in order to do battle with unhelpful beliefs.) For example, you
could be telling yourself, "If it doesn't come naturally to me, I
can't do it." Then think about a realistic alternative thought to
keep repeating to yourself as a substitute,
Your mental paralysis can also, of
course, be viewed as depression, and it is easy to see how circular
the process can become - the more depressed you feel, the more you
want to withdraw from the project at hand, the less you accomplish,
the more you view yourself as ineffective, the more depressed you
feel … The small-steps and thought-challenging approaches described
above may help you break out of that cycle, and there are other
approaches that could also be helpful, including ones that are more
obviously clinical. Wherever, whenever and however you do it, you
can find a way to interrupt the cycle and begin to create a greater
sense of efficacy. Once that happens, you are on the way toward a
more satisfying professional life.
We have not even touched upon the
question of other psychological conflicts that may be at work,
contributing to the ways that you have felt stuck. It would be well
worth evaluating the situation clinically - for example, at LCL, or
with a recommended therapist, or with an in-house employee
assistance program if your firm has one. (Sometimes involvement
with the EAP can be somewhat protective of your job while you are
in the process of addressing the problem.)
Questions quoted are either
actual letters/e-mails or paraphrased and disguised concerns
expressed by individuals seeking assistance from Lawyers Concerned
for Lawyers.
Questions for LCL may be mailed to LCL, 31 Milk St., Suite
810, Boston, MA 02109 or called in to
(617) 482-9600. LCL's licensed clinicians will respond in
confidence. Visit LCL online at www.lclma.org.